dichotomy-of-controllisted

Activate when: user says "I can't stop worrying about something I can't control," "I'm anxious about how this will turn out," "I keep replaying what went wrong," "I need them to change," "this uncertainty is paralyzing me," or is processing a setback, preparing for a high-stakes unknown outcome, or stuck in anger/frustration at someone else's choices. Do NOT activate when: the user needs to grieve or feel first (premature Stoic framing suppresses healthy emotion); or the user is avoiding real responsibility by mislabeling a controllable thing as "outside my power."
deciqAI/knowledge-skills · ★ 0 · AI & Automation · score 72

Install: claude install-skill deciqAI/knowledge-skills

# Dichotomy of Control ## Overview Separate what is *within your power* (judgments, intentions, voluntary actions) from what is *not* (outcomes, others' actions, external events) — then direct effort to the first and acceptance to the second. Formulated by Epictetus (*Enchiridion* §1, c. 125 CE), operationalized in CBT (Beck 1976), proven under extreme conditions by Marcus Aurelius and Stockdale. Influence is not control. Accepting the uncontrollable frees energy for what matters. Composes with [`metacognition`](../metacognition/SKILL.md), [`regret-minimization`](../regret-minimization/SKILL.md), [`wu-wei`](../wu-wei/SKILL.md), [`knowing-and-doing-as-one`](../knowing-and-doing-as-one/SKILL.md), [`probabilistic-thinking`](../probabilistic-thinking/SKILL.md). ## When to Use - Experiencing anxiety, frustration, or anger about something you cannot directly determine - Decision under uncertainty about an outcome you cannot directly control - Processing a setback; advising someone in a stressful situation - Uncertainty is paralyzing a project or negotiation - Someone says "serenity prayer," "what's within my power," "Stoicism," "things I can't change" **Not when:** emotional processing is needed first; "uncontrollable" is actually avoidance of real responsibility; situation requires external advocacy/action (Stoicism addresses internal response, not whether systems should be challenged). ## Coaching Novices (Adaptive Front Door) - **Engine mode:** user has a concrete stress